Thinking about next week

This is the sad little face Abby makes when she is starting to get 'uppity'. I'm still trying to capture hers on film but for now you will have to look at my sad face.

I have to go back to work next week. Tuesday May 1 will be my first day back at Broad - Abby will be exactly 10 weeks old. Ugh, I'm so dreading it - I never thought I would say that.

I love my job - really I do. The work is satisfying, I have really awesome co-workers and supervisors, there is inspiring leadership, and most of all the institute is doing worthwhile things for the future of medicine and science.

I can sum up my thoughts in two statements:

1. I want (and need) to go back to work.
2. I don't want to leave my baby.

Why do these two statements above have to be mutually exclusive? It's so sad that this is the reality of most of our lives now. We have to leave our kids to support their lives. Our finances require 2 incomes (like most everyone I know these days) so I have to go back. I just wish I could stay home a little longer. Just a little longer please? The trouble is if I do that either I don't get paid, or I have to use up ALL of my vacation. If Abby does become president someday she can push for a federally subsidized extended maternity leave program ;-).

The good news is that Abby not going to daycare yet. She will be with Tighe for the month of May. I don't think I could emotionally handle dropping her off at a place yet where she will not recieve 1 on 1 attention - she is still so tiny and requires so much 'love'. I'm sure Tighe will be superdad this month as he also is going to try and 'work at home' for at least 4-5 hours each day. I hope he enjoys being with her for the month, I think it will be a special time for both of them.

Everyone I talked to (other co-workes with kids, my mom, my sister etc) said I will eventually adjust to the new life (working and being a mom) but it will be hard.

This motherhood thing is just one adjustment after another in rapid succession. First you are your normal self, then you are a pregnant woman (lots of ajusting there), then you are a stay at home mom (for a few weeks), and then you are a working mom.

Oh well, we will see how it goes - I'm sure it will all work out - its just so hard to think about that first day in the office for 8 full hours. All that time will go by without giving Abby a kiss on her little head! Boo hoo...